Memories

 Burn

A Turn of Events

I've had this 39+ degree fever for 48 hours now. It comes inclusive with back tingles, muscle pain in particularly the back, headache and disorientation, shivers and a general weakness of the body and mind.

15 minutes after I quit at Red Rock, Myer called me into to work that day and the day after. I asked to leave 1 hour early from work at Myer because I wasn't feeling 100%. I also called in my first sickie today, although I wouldn't like to call it a sickie because I was an emergency and Ladies Wear isnt my department.

I was so knacked with this fever that I sat in the tea room staring into space. I didnt notice the trial of drool that slipped out of my mouth and on to my skirt. I looked down and didnt bother to care if any one saw, or even to wipe it off. My priorities were different today. Rest. Sleep. Warm. Home. I counted my break from when I entered and left the tea room, not when I left the floor. I didnt care if I got in trouble I wasnt in a good mood so today would be a perfect day to fight me.

I cracked my phone screen in the Myer toilets as I was taking a 10 minute break. I dropped it at knee height on tiles. fucking hell. with a phone as expensive as this can't they make these screens a little more durable??? or even scratch resistant?? the camera glass fell out too. at least it still senses my touch.

The Red Rock breakup wasn't a positive one. The HR manager was frustrated and disappointed in me because I didn't wanna sick it out doing cafe jobs til Little Ludlow opened.

3am?? What did I tell you about calling at inapproriate times?

The managers phone are manned 24/7 and I wanted to give ample time to have my shift covered

The managers aren't meant to know what we spoke about

I thought the duty managers would know eventually

You weren't patient enough. I made it clear in the interview that you would have to work at these places til the bar opened

You might think you made it clear but I didnt know what it was gonna be.

So you're not going to finish your shifts with us?

Yeah nah

There's no point in arguing with you.

I seriously didnt know where I couldve been more fair about this whole quitting situation. I spoke to him on two occassions before this phone call, he told me to either choose Myer or Red Rock, he told me I was on a 2 week trial period so I could see for myself if I liked it or not... I chose Myer over Red Rock and I quit during the trial period.

Today I had to face them because I needed to give back my Visitors Security pass, the Crew Card, and their uniform. I met with Simon the friendly and timid duty manager.

___________

I went to the doctors for the first time in years regarding an illness that isnt cancer. It was my 39 degree fever that ate and vince had been bugging me to see a doctor about. I dont like doctors because they prescribe me medicine and I cant swallow solids like tablets and capsuls. I dont like medicine because I believe my immune system, void of medicines since I was 14 years old, is one tough maaaaaafucka. I like to keep my body as drug free as possible. I also believe that I can sleep off any sickness.

The doctor said it was a common viral infection. I needed rest, vitamin C and if I wanted, panadol and nurofen. He said they made liquid nurofen for babies, if I liked.

Man in the doctors' waiting room

I dont think these are real

Vman despite his tiredness and early start tmrw morning came straight from work to take care of me. He took me to st. albans for pho which tasted like shit at Ha Long, then to the doctors and then to Melbourne airport to hand in my things.

I dont remember when the last time I was this sick so this is a big deal to me. Vman reckons I overworked myself. I think it may be a combination of lack of fresh air, cheap shoes = back pain, quick/sudden/repetitive movements, and a general unhappiness which let down my immune system and welcomed disease and infection to enter and spread.

I have learnt something though, being happy/laughing when your unwell makes headaches go away. Even if your faking it. I tried it from 12:30pm - 6pm at Myer.

____________

All good things come to an end but it was good while it lasted.

I've just finished reading the Alchemist and I've made more sense of it now than I did the other 2 times I've read it.

One point of the story is to value the moment that is now, do not dwell on the past or wonder about the future. Focus on the present so you can enjoy every moment of this fleeting moment.

I've never had to deal with this situation before. If I read into it like I normally do when I like to cause myself emotional torment, I would say my pride and dignity is no more. My heart skipped a beat and I was shattered. It was Edgardo Tuazon breaking up with me in year 8. However I wont read into it. I'm mature. I need lessons like these. I cant have everything my way and continue to do the wrong thing just because I get away with it. I learnt that when people have mutual respect for each other, things won't be awkward or spiteful.

How I'd hate it to be awkward or spiteful.

If I was any other person, I'd say I've had a bad week. But I'm not gonna put it all down to luck. This isn't fate. This is all up to me. I make my own luck.

It's Quitting Time

Damn this sleeping pattern. I was so tired last night I hit the hay at 9pm but didnt sleep til past 10pm. It's the second night in a row where I have woken up in the middle of the night to take a pee. Usually comfort puts me right back to sleep but that was 1 hour ago and since then I have woken, turned my Art Deco lamp on, drank water, whatsapped and turned on this computer to blog.

I have a head ache. This is the first time in months... oh wait, I take that back, the last time I had a headache was on my first shift at Hightide when I learnt you cannot take more than 10 steps in one direction working within the company. Although this headache, along with my unhappiness, could be due to me sleeping with my hair partially wet. My newly pierced ears dont make sleeping on my sides any easier and sleeping on my back aggravates my headache.

Lately I seems like I've been complaining and whining a lot. I'm usually not that sort of person. In fact, my positivity has gotten me this far at Red Rock. And so what if I complain a lot about this? It fucking sucks.

I have work at a new venue in a few hours, 7 to be exact. I thought I'd turn up to work today and afterwards see Phonda to tell him that I quit. But Im thinking about calling up the duty manager right now, as the duty manager phones are manned 24/7 and tell em I'm quitting right now. Then perhaps tell Phonda later via telephone out of respect for him and the company.

Hi,

My name is Jennifer. I'm new to the company, I've been training for almost 2 weeks but I'm ringing to let you know, I realise this job isnt for me. I have a 10am - 6:30pm training shift at Plonk today so I wont be coming in today or the rest of the week.

I have two other jobs. I've spoken to Phonda about this on a few occasions and he made me realise I can't juggle all three jobs. I want to dedicate my time to the two other jobs I have.

Thanks for the opportunity I met some nice people.

I must gather up enough courage to make this phone call. I am a coward. I keep putting this off. I bet when I make this call my headache will disappear and I will instantly fall asleep as the weight off my chest has been lifted.

Long Macchiato

Yesssss... I'm ever so pleasantly surprise when my shift is over. I let the managers or my work mates tell me when its home time or when its break time. Its the highlight of my day.

Today I worked at a new venue within the international departures. In the morning I worked with grumpy old men and ladies. They didnt want my help and I felt I was left hanging. They threw me here and there until I was assigned to help out preparing the food. It was a busy period and I used my initiative to take the food order dockets from the receipt machine and on the clipping thing. At Hightide they put them in logical order from left to right.

Are you putting these orders here???

Yes, I took them out of the receipt machine

Ugh. Which ones???

The last three

Michael snatched the last three and threw them down on the bench.

I'm getting confused. The orders here go from right to left. It's much easier if I work by myself.

I'm sorry. I thought I'd use some initiative and help you out. I'll just stay out of your way then.

No, no. It's not that. It's not your fault.

This grumpy man had a change of heart. When he left I said when hidden sarcasm but with a genuine front:

Sorry for pissing you off today

No, I wasnt pissed off. You think I was angry at you, I'm not.

My only job was to stay out of people's way. From here I decided I fucking hated this place. When the Duty Manager came past to see how we were going, the supervisor began telling me what to do and saying what a good job I was doing. I dont think these people are happy here. This venue inparticular didn't have a positive vibe to it, unlike the other two I had worked in. The only positive thing about til 3pm was the new friend I made, Kris.

Everytime I work I get a free bottle of Cool Ridge water and a meal at Hightide. I signed up to a Crew Card today which gives me 20% off food and drinks at their venues. Wee weeeee... I'm having lunch with James and Brian at the Ludlow Formation on Southbank on Friday so I can use it then. Making use of staff benefits make me feel better about the job.

I spent a decent time making coffees today. I was a little behind and I made people wait up to 6 minutes for their coffee (i know this because there is a timer on the screen). But being quick only come with practice.

When I became comfortable with a new friend I asked them how long they had been in the company. They tell me how many YEARS they've been here. Most of them more than 6 months since the company remburses you for the $200 ASIC card application. I ask them, you must really like it here to stay this long. They look at me in disgust, 'I'm over this place, I'm quitting soon' or 'I hate the job but I do it for the people' or 'I'm in it for the pay'. I'm a sucker for people so if I stay within the company for 6 months to get my ASIC then I may become attached to the people like they are.

Today I figured out my life in terms of whether or not I want to stay in the company. I figured this out when I was walking to my carpark at night. I figure out lives problems during the most ordinary times. I will speak to the HR manager tmrw. I was so happy with my decision that I called up Vman and took him out to a St. Albans feast to celebrate.. but he only ordered a coke and a take away for his sister.

Work at Newsbar from 9-5:30pm tmrw. Yay.

Is It That Time Already?

I like this technique. Going into a shit job with rock bottom expectations. I came out of the airport paid and sane. I lived another day. I developed a strategy to make 8hours fly by:

• Don't look at the time unless by accident
• If bad things happen, think that there are worse things to come, then your 'bad' wont be bad
• Work for as long as you can until you take your first break, after you come back from break all refreshed you will be delighted to know there is only 1 hour left til home time
• Get sent home 30 minutes early

Yay! home time at 9:30pm. Today I was a little more on registers. I was 8 minutes early. I was asked by 3 authority figures where my apron was, I said I forgot it at home. I made new friends, a pretty Indian girl with a nose ring. It prompted me to get a nose ring. I wish my skin was darker so my nose bling stands out more. I made a filo friend too with a Spanish surname of 'Villacorta'. Sounds so hot.

Mum's mum's surname is also hot and Spanish, 'Valencia'.

I had a Italian Croque Monssieur today. It was a heart attack on a plate. Toasted bread filled with tasty cheese, salami, ham with cream cheese packed on top. This was heated in the oven. It was divine. You must be a cheese and salt lover for this one.

During my break I sat down with a piece of paper and pen. I titled the paper 'Sorting Out My Life' and orgainsed which days of the week I want to give to Tony Bianco, Jwow, Red Rock (and Myer). Red Rock Monday - Wednesday, Tony Bianco Thursday, Saturday - Sunday, Jwow Friday and Myer nothing. I don't think I want to stay and work there, especially not in shoes. If I was in the basement then I may give up Red Rock for it. I only want Myer for their staff discount, not that I buy much from myer but team member discount on top of customer discounts = max 65% off.

Note that I have not allocated any days off for myself. Its okay. I'm young, and a gun. I can hack it. I wanna work so much I don't need to go to the gym. Calf muscles at Tony Bianco from wearing high heels, traps and biceps muscles at Jwow from the cocktail shaking and putting my mental health to the test at Red Rock.

_____________

Last Friday I went out and got tipsy for the first time in a while. I started it off at Match bar with James and Sean and drank 1 litre of apple cider. I was tipsy after the first one, I can tell I'm tipsy because my face feels hot, i purse my lips more than often, and I think I am more well spoken. I was having a discussion with Sean, a graphic design teacher at Grenadi School of Design about design and how it can improve the world. I had prepared questions for him because I ran out of Adobe CS Illustrator questions.

Questions:

• Some large companies invest just as much money on design as they do with their finance and marketing teams. How can design and design thinking help large businesses such as banks, fast food chains, law firms, who would otherwise doubt the importance of design? And what would you say to convince them otherwise? (Besides advertising/promotion)
• How can design or design thinking solve 'real' problems such as famine and poverty?
• What is the different between art and design?
• What does the process of design involve and what is the outcome?
• The modernist believe that 'good design' is simple, true to materials and 'form follows function'. What do you think 'good design' is?
• You seem to think that design is a tangible thing.
• Everyone is a design because design comes naturally, it's instinctive.

Sean was a little taken by my questions. We spoke about evolution, religion in particularly Christianity, nature and society in this discussion. It was good because he disagreed to what I thought and I heard his side of the story. I learnt that I had ambitious, idealistic and conceptual views on design.

I need more of this, these intelligent conversation.

At the bar I did a shot of Chivas 12 YO with James and my favourite bartender, Kris. I had to run outside to get my cider for chaser when I saw him pour it. I almost threw up in my mouth. I had to do the shot in two sections. I skulled the last quarter of my 500ml cider in attempt to wash away the disgusting taste. But I needed more. Kris noted the tear that had come down the side of my eye.

I went to Phuong's Design auction to steal some food. Then to Ramen Ya on Bourke Street to eat with Aaron and Yao. We went to Charlie's Bar on Hardware Lane to meet with Mel and Marty. It was 9pm and I had decided to go home.

500mls of Cider x2 thanks

Riots at QV, Max Brenner.

They weren't happy with their hot chocolates

_________

I hung out with my favourite cousin all weekend. Sheesha smoking on Sydney road, I only feel out of place at the beginning when all eyes are on us as we enter. Then after a few deep inhalations of the sweet grape and soothing mint, I have not a care in the world. I wish I could've put my feet on the couch and pass out with the sheesha in my mouth so that every puff in was a sheesha. The place was full of Arabic speakers. A little intimidating.

All of a sudden, one middle ages man stopped the music and called out something in arabic to everyone in the shop. They all looked, some replied. What was going on??? But I stopped freaking out when the music was put back on.

Ahhh back to my smoking.

We went to Charlies on Gordon Street, Footscray. The last time I was there I wasn't meant to be seen with the person I was with for reasons that could've gotten me bashed. Last night I was there, Vince's friends were too. Did it look wrong that I was having a 12 midnight meal with my favourite cousin whom they might not have known he was only my cousin?

Much To Figure

Virgin Australia Guest Services Employment Assessment Day at the Grand Hotel Chancellor on Bourke Street, Melbourne.

It was a position for check in staff. I was up against 7 or so check in contractors already employed by Virgin who were looking for a permanent position within the company. They all knew each other, spoke about airport events and used aviation jargon. Some were ex cabin crew for Emirates who waited on millionaire Arabs and others Jetstar and Tiger check in staff. They had just come from a shift at Melbourne Airport, wearing skirts at knee, black stockings, white shirts and vests. They had their hair in combed buns, red lipstick and foundation faces.

I didnt think to take my multiple ear/facial piercing away or wash my asymmetrically cut hair or study company history. I didn't know it was an interview. I came in not knowing what to expect for the next 4 hours.

I told my the girl beside me, that I would 'wing it'.

Probably shouldn't have rocked up with that interview with a job as serious as Virgin Australia.

They said we would know if were are successful within the next two weeks. I think I need to practice my interview skills. I hate questions like:

• Why do you want to work for us?
• Why do you think you're right for this position?
• What can you bring to the company?
• Tell us about a time when you gave exceptional customer service
• Tell us about a time when you had to deal with a difficult customer

Yesterday I found out I got the job for Tony Bianco at the Melbourne Central store. I learnt this after Charlotte asked to organise an induction. I wasn't even told I got the job. I have to go in to the Melbourne Central store tmrw at 9am for a 1 hour induction where I will be filling out paper work. 9am-10am for paper work. Find a carpark at the train station and take a peak hour train for that? I may as well make the most of the early day, stop by Savers in Footnam and exchange some purchases. Head to the post office to post off some ebay, which isnt doing too well at the moment and go home to sleep.

Drinking starts at 530pm at Match Bar then off to Stylecraft on Flinders Lane for Phuong's university design auction. Her and her fellow final year interior design students at RMIT are raising money for their end of year exhibition. A design auction! so exciting!

I want to go down to The Order of Melbourne to visit MJ and chill there for a bit. Then to Horse Bizzare to see Ty DJ, then to the Espy to see the Elzhi gig. I just recieved a mobile text,

I have to fit in a Illustrator Tutorial at 1pm with Sean.. so perhaps its not enough time to go home and sleep.

Right now I'm a little stressed out bcoz I gotta juggle so much shit.

I need to juggle three jobs and work out my availabilities for each, I have to work out which jobs I want to give priority too. Red Rock and Tony Bianco dont know about each other. I need to submit my availabilities for Jwow because it's re-opening earlier than expected. And I have to worry about Virgin and their last minute recruitment requirements they throw at me via email which I dont check everyday. I need to record any employer contact I make and the hours I work for Centrelink. I need to follow up a time for sunshine hospital and to have my eyes checked.

Jambi's dress up birthday party tmrw at Ondergrounds and I havent found a costume. I need to do my tax, sort out some ebay shit, and transport shit from Kealba to Taylors Hill and vice versa. I need to worry about money, why hasn't my Red Rock payment gone through? Papa's birthday soon, I need to buy him a present. Same with girl girl.

Phonda is pressuring me to get an ASIC. Do I even want to stay at Red Rock?

I was busy all day and my first and only meal of the day came at 6pm. I had two pork rolls I was so hungry. So much shit to figure out. The only thing that calms me down is reading The Alchemist.

Microwave This, Oven That

I was about 5 minutes late for my second day at work. I wasn't even rushing. And I dont think it mattered if I got into trouble.

Stop trying to control it.

Just. Let. GO!

-Fight Club

True. It's funny how frequently we try to control things. Why cant we just let things be? It's relaxing that way, less responsibilities.

I wasnt given the opportunity to kick and scream today which means my job today isnt as bad as I thought it would be. It was a good idea to keep expectations low, so at the end of shift I won't be disappointed. Handy tip.

Today I was on food dispense. It reminded me of my trial at Spice Market where I was on drink dispense, taking the receipt after it was printed and making the orders for the customers, then handing it over to the wait staff. At Spice Market I was making alcoholic drinks and shots, it was more fun and I worked at a faster rate. At Hightide, I prepared food. Chicken quiche in the microwave for 2 minutes, transfer to oven for 3 minutes, serve on a plate with a side of salad... Italian croque monssiuer (?) microwave, oven, cut in half, serve on boat... wipe kitchen area.. take the receipt from printing dock, meditarrian foccacia blah blah in microwave and then sandwich press, cut in half, serve in take away box... I was doing this for 8hours. Drainer. I developed a head ache. Probably because my hair was tied tighly, I was walking and turning around too suddenly, hot air blew in my face whenever I opened the oven + cold air blowing into my face from the fridge, being surrounded by food and smell and the lack of fresh air. My lack of enthusiasm must have been apparent as my co-workers, whom I just met that day, asked if I was okay.

La La La

The friendly HR manager gave me the time of day to speak to him about how i felt about working here. 'How do you like it? Are you having fun?' He wanted me to purchase an ASIC card so I could work in the international gate venues without having to be escorted by someone who does have one. I told him I didnt think cafe work was for me and I didnt want to pay $300 for an ASIC. He says that the international venues that I would probably be working at is a totally different atmosphere to this cafe I was working in. He recommended that I go and check out the Ludlow Formation venue on Southbank. I still feel this is a really good company to work for. People are lovely, the young managerial and office staff who dress in suits are your fellow workers. They are easy to talk to and always ask how you're finding working here. I feel the people who work here are similiar to the people who work at Myer.

• Young but mature
• considerate
• professional
• intelligent
• intuitive
• quick thinking/good problem solving
• hard but thorough working paying attention to detail

Tomorrow I have some assesment thing for Virgin Blue at the Hotel Grand Chancellor. It's going for 4hours. I found out via automated email which didnt provide much information, other than the time, date and location. I had a miss call from them, which i called back but only a machine answered:

'Hello. You have reached Virgin Employment Services.

Please enter your 5 digit reference number.

I dont have one, I told the machine. Can I speak to a person? What will I bring tomorrow and what should I expect? What will happen for 4 hours??? I dont even know what kind of job im going for.