I Got That Juice

Phuong brought it to my attention last night that I had lost weight. She had a sad concerned look on her face, beckoned me with her finger and quietly asked if I had lost weight. I hadnt noticed. She said she was gonna cook me dinner. YES! Aaron commented on my weight last Friday but I didn't take his comment seriously bcoz hes always saying something about the way I look, including 'why arent you wearing pumps?' and 'why haven't you made an effort today?' Dave says my ass has more curve. He says, I lost 1kg from my thighs and 1kg from my stomach and gave 500g to my ass, which doesnt make sense because when you loose weight, you loose weight. I told him to stop measuring me with his eyes.

I been so tired lately. Especially this weekend and my work load will only get more hectic next week. This week I've got this cold, last week I was vomiting and passing out at work for 40mins trying to battle the twisting pains in my stomach. My body is run down. What will next week bring?? Can't wait. My abs hurt, prolly from blowing my nose too much, or maybe it was from Thursday night.

Krusty Ass Stoned Trooper

Every time my sydenham train turns into another sydenham train at the city loop I feel like staying on it and riding it home again. Last night was VIP melbourne central shopping day where selected stores go on sale. We were 20% off store wide. We were mentioned on the radio. Weeeee, me me me!

It was crazy hectic. There were 24 girls working yesterday. Three or four of us getting/putting away stock and two girls on telephone sales. Two girls on register, two stair bitches and the rest on floor serving customers and making sure bogans dont steal shit. Poor floor girls, there were so many people it was difficult to know who was greeted, who was being served.. it was claustrophobic and you were breathing other peoples used air. This shit's craaaaay but it was fun because I like it when shit hits the fan. I was getting stock, I'm getting so much faster at it. They thanked me for my hard work and told me I was a gun.

I finished work at 8pm last night, got home at 930pm and was ready to crash. I had work at 8am today. But after I shower I feel so refreshed im ready to pump it for another three hours. I call Dave for a 11pm kebab run but he's at home eating fried rice. I came over his and he fed me, the little food beggar that I am because I dont know how to fend for myself. And when I do, I eat things like:

Plain BBH noodles

I got home at 12:30am and had 6 hours sleep. Waking up is always a bitch and I'm so adamant that after work I'm gonna come home and sleep for 8 hours. But its not so bad when you're actually up. I dont like taking showers in the morning because it just puts me to sleep again. Apples in the morning, however, are good.

Up til now, I've eaten an apple and pear. I dont have time to sit down for a meal. I wonder if I can survive on fruit for the rest of my life. Monkeys do it.

So I've finished my shift for today and I'm on my way home to hang out with vman. I was thinking to stay out and drink from 1-10pm but I've declined having dinner with vman three days in a row so today I should pull through. Except vman gets angry at me on the phone because I called him boring and plans are cancelled. I'm on my way home for nothing. I could have been getting smashed right now.

Also on my way home I realised I worked at the wrong place today and the wrong time! I did one job from 8am-1pm when I should have been at D doing 11-5pm god damnit. I'm on my way home at 1:30pm and I should still be at Myer!! Fuck. Thats why people at work were surprised that I was in. D didnt call me which means I couldn't have fucked up too bad.

Even though, I hate letting people down. I feel guilty. I hope this isnt a sign of my downhill spiral of forgetfulness, disorganisation, ... and other bad descriptive words as a result of my seemingly workaholic self. The last time I had a day off was 3 weeks ago when I called in sick for my house BBQ.

Mind, body and soul feel weak. I take nana naps but I still wake up feeling tired. What do I have to do?? I wanna cry because I dont know what else will make me feel better. I'll admit it. I feel defeated. Let me rest for a bit before I get back up again.

Sleeping Hungry

I have been warned that flustered and sometimes incapable manager/s will rely on me more and more now that I am training for this Stock/VM position. All this physical work, carrying 10kg boxes up/down stairs, constantly rearranging shoe boxes and running around upstairs dodging potential occupational health and safety accidents is beginning to show the effects on my body. Im growing biceps and lower back/hip muscles. Apparently the previous manager who did the stock lost a whole dress size, 8 down to a 6. Gym membership not required.

Why I prefer working with objects (stock) than with people (customers):

• Sometimes you get over dealing with people. Their problems are the same thing, I say the same thing.
• I get to use my brain with stock
• Theres always something to do upstairs and time flies
• I like more responsibility
• Objects don't have emotions or opinions

I'm forever travelling to and from the city. My ipod is totally necessary. Once my head phones are in I am in my own world. Beats switched on, world switched off. I walk on the yellow corrugated rubber at the train stations because I like to feel the bumps through my shoes. I like to sit/stand near the window so I can imagine myself in the film clip to this song.. you know, the one where the girl stares out the window of a train in deep contemplation. That's me. I like watching people. I wonder what the people who are watching me are thinking about. I wonder if I'm ever mentioned in the MX section 'Heres Looking At You' what would I say?

Coffee?

I imagine things and act out scenarios in my head while on the train to escape reality. Sometimes I am so engulfed in these scenarios I practice what I'd say out loud. Accidentally or on purpose. Thinking like a child, thinking carefree without limitations is what will free me from this mundane everyday work cycle. Thoughts like these occur more after work than they do before work when I know that I am free and it wont be at least another 12 hours before I have to start it all over again.

I've started noting down everything I spend minus what I earnt for the day. On Monday i was negative 37cents god damnit but the other days so far I was up by at least $100. Phew. Saving plan: deposit $500-$700 a week = $2,000+ a month. Interest is my bitch. Inner city suburb luxury apartment here we come.

What I ate today:

• Two toast with egg/ham/cheese
• Orange juice
• Spinach and ricotta bread roll
• Slice of cake
• Plain ass BBH noodles

By the time I get home I'm too tired to cook anything so I go to sleep hungry. I'll wake up hungry and inspired as to what to eat. -.-

Working Pains

I get up, go to wowrk, come home to sleep. I don't have leisure time without being tired. I get such a thrill when I do something non work related that I enjoy. I wish they came more often. I'm lonely and empty inside because i have no goal in life other than make shit loads of money. Some people are so submerged in their jobs because its their goal in life. These people call work on their days off to check up on how its going. Remember that high school teacher who's goal in life was to catch you out of uniform and you be thinking 'get a fucking life!'? Yeh well their jobs are their lives. This could be a good thing, it means the employee is passionate and therefore good for the job, or a bad thing, that these people have not found anything else worth while in their lives to spend the effort on. Today at my double shift I almost died. I ate some chicken for breakfast to pack on the protein for the long ass day of have but by 930am I was experiencing dizzy spells and blaring lights in my seeing. I bought a 750ml V8 fruit juice bottle and downed that. Then in between shifts I downed a grilled beef burger for iron and small chips for crabs. I was ready to roll. I was so bored at Myer soooooo bored I was determined not to look at my watch and congratulated myself on each hour I held it together. I was so bored I was figuring out how Brail works, it was a secret code like on Survivor... A looks like this, B looks like this so C must look like this.... Dodgey bitches tried to jib me by only giving me a 20min break on a 7hr shift when I am entitled to a 20min + 45 min break. Only until I said something did the bitch change it.

Energy food

Vote For Pedro

I knew that this was going to be a strange day the moment it started. I under slept today but woke up at 10am feeling unusually refreshed. I helped Ate clean the house and prepare the salad for Anio's 21st family birthday party at my house that I was going to miss. The party started at 12pm but I had to leave at 12pm for work.

The weather was conflicting. Warm, with an occasional icey breeze, gloomy and 2nd speed wiper rain. I wore my Timbs to protect my feet from the rain and cold. The train announcement called out the station names one too many late. I realised I left my phone at home and refused to struggle today without it. Although I did have to call Vman to pass on a message and tell him to pass on a message to phuong as well.

Work was SO draining. I felt every minute of my 5.25 hour shift and I wasnt even hung over or tired. All the other girls were tired too. The weather didnt help either. Muggy, sticky, hot, cold, rain, what??? The shop got busy for sometime til a point where another girl came up and helped me with the stock but customers where just trying on 500million shoes and not buying anything. Wasted effort for nothing.

I went to jwow to find cheese obviously upset with Australian Immigration, blurting out her problems to Marc. James didnt seem himself. Marc didn't seem himself either and just wanted to get out of jwow so we went to Starbucks where we ordered the biggest caffine hit available. Bam! It did nothing.

Yao and Helen came and we had dinner at the new Laksa joint that opened on Lt. Lonsdale and Exhibition. Back to Jwow, back to mine where Helen and Vman now sleep while I blog. We watched Napolean Dynamite and A Might Heart. I tried to smoke my sheesha but unnsuccessfully carved myself an apple. Apple fail. I need to get some carving lessons off Dave. I resorted back to original house sheesha which was shit because I know I deserve Sydney Road quality shit.

I've been spending so much money on shit I don't need lately and I wont be able to achieve my financial savings target this week. It means I'll have to save what I couldnt this week next week.

The girls at Tony still cant believe I have three jobs and work seven days a week. 'How do you do it Jen? I don't know how you do it.' I don't know either. I worked out I do 48-55hours a week. I dont go out anymore, which is even less than I used to. My body tolerance to alcohol has decreased which means I am a weak drunk, spend less money to get fucked up, which means I'll save money on alcohol? Bonus. This was my plan all along.

Sunday

Work 11-4pm

Jwow friends 830pm onwards

Monday

Work 8-1pm

Tuesday

Work 8-1pm

Work at D 2-9pm

Wednesday

Work 8-1pm

Thursday

Work 12-8pm

Friday

Work 8-1pm

Saturday

10-3pm

Unstable

The previous post was a drunken blog. I have negative energy bottled up inside me that I am releasing slowly but surely.

Angry.

Annoyed.

Pissed off

and

Frustrated

Because I still want it but I wont admit itttttttt too much. If I do I'll start accepting it as a possibility. It's not.

It's not.

_________________

I woke up yesterday morning without a hang over thankfully. But i didn't feel 100%. My body is already weak from lack of sleep and organisation in my life, not to mention the rotation of three jobs on a 7 day a week basis. I woke up next to Helen, she told me to wake up at 11:00am and told me I had work. I groaned and told her I had work at 1pm. I wanted to snooze. her bed is a cloud. I dont think I sleep so well at any other persons house. I need to ask her where she gets her pillows from.

I'm beginning to think I have a higher tolerance to alcohol than Helen bc she woke up looking like crap. I returned to her room to find an empty bed, I called for her from the bedroom door because I had no pants on and there were older men present. I didnt hear an answer but I did hear vomiting from the other bathroom. That must be Helen.

Helen's way of cleaning out her wardrobe is by throwing everything onto the floor so there isn't a bit of carpet visible. There is no choice but to step on her clothes. Sometimes you step on hard sharp objects. She was going through the piles of clothes looking for a skirt for me to wear to work. I was looking down at Helen on the floor, she was half heartedly going through piles of clothes with the hang over and minimum energy that she had. After she went through most of the pile, I felt sorry for her and told her don't worry about it, the skirt isn't there. She lied on top on the clothes, rolled on her side, and told me it had to be, that it wasn't in the wash because she hadnt worn it for a week.

Aw.

Work on Saturday after jwow and alcohol Friday is a struggle. Hello struggletown, arent you a familiar sight. I power through it like the gun that i am. If I let myself indulge in the idea that Saturday work is optional, ill never get through it. Work is fucking work and I don't have a choice. Groan.

So Glad You Chose Me

Don't look at me like that. I feel self conscious and uncomfortable. I dont want to make eye contact but if I don't then you think I don't know you're looking. I just look at the spot next to you, heads up im looking your way.

Who is this unknown number calling me at 2am?? Hanging up or not saying anything when I answer. This is year 8 shit. I'm working 7 days a week this week. 45 hours. Daylight savings. Yay to less sleep.

Daylight savings confuses the Fuck outa me. I hate it when i have work bc I have nightmares of being one hour late. I checked the internet twice, googled 'what is the time in Melbourne?'. Google is the answer to everything. Work from 12-5pm. Shopping and dumplings w bago kabayan ko then sheesha date at Dave at mine for my weekly hit

______________________

Pang. Pang. Pang. That's the sound of a human organ being stabbed with a knife of rejection. 

Tunes of the moment; Cypress Hill. Picking up where I left off. Back to reality.

Nothing, Not Nada

Today I worked with a new supervisor who took her job so seriously that it was visible with the wrinkles on her face. She was old, she had been at this sad sad job for too long. She limped and looked the flight attendants up and down. She kept babying and telling me what to do, even if I had already done it. She wouldn't believe me til i showed her. She told me to wait for her if I walked too fast for her. She told me off in front of customers and then brought it up later again. She was the 'see?? What did I tell you? Didn't I tell you?? I told you but it was the only way you were going to learn' type. She told me off if i hadnt done what she had asked.

What did I tell you about carrying out single bottles like that?

I forgot

Where is your apron?

I dont have one

Why not?

They didnt give me one

Don't you have a white shirt?

(Mine was off white) Nuh.

Why did you try to sell that dry ginger ale

I thought I'd make us some money

We don't even have a button on the register for it.

I just put it under Pepsi.

You're not allowed to do that. You know that.

Yep.

Who taught you that you could do that?

Yesterday. The guys said I could

You're not allowed to do that. Who told you? What were their names??

Don't call out to Phonda like that.

Don't walk into the venue, walk around the barrier. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yep.

You don't do you.

Nope.

I worked 45 minutes over time bcoz people kept ordering food.I didnt even realise it was 45minutes over time. I worked 9.25hrs an my breaks were cut short because they started as I left the venue and walking to and from international gates to the main airport takes about 10 minutes. and SHE was on my break, tryna make me feel bad that she had to walk me out to the main airport. (She had to walk me out because I dont have an ASIC and I had to be accompanied at all times inside the international gates).

I had a tuna sandwich that I brought home. I wanted to eat it, but I'll have to eat it on my way home. I dont want to take a break now but I might as well since I have to walk her out.

No one asked you to take your break you fat bitch. Get off my back.

At least I know how to make coffees now.

Long black: double shot espresso, three quarter milk with a dulop of froth

Cappucino: A shit load of froth Latte: A tiny shit of froth

Flat white: no froth

Macchiato: cappucino with a shot of chocolate syrup

???: double shot of espresso with hot water.

I dont care.

I'm going into work tmrw to quit.

My Jobs That I Dread

I miscounted. I actually have four jobs to juggle.

I havent gotten paid for any of them yet so where the fuck is my money?

Im dreading my 2-10pm shift at Hightide tmrw reheating quiches and pies in the microwave. I watch my life fly past me as the microwave timer counts down.

Three.

Two.

One.

One.

Die.

One more 8hour shift at hightide then I get to work within the International gates of Melbourne airport at Newsbar and Plonk. Yess... some high class shit because you know that I'm all class.

Hightide Meals

This says 'I Belong Here'

My Muscles, My Ass Muscles.

13.5hour shift with no breaks or a sit down. Working for two people. I slept for 9 hours but i think i will sleep some more. I am so tired. Respect to you people who do these epic hours/work loads without adequate hourly pay or breaks. Respect. And to you people who complain about 8hour office jobs and paper cuts, GROW SOME BALLS.

To get over an object of desire, focus your attention on another object of desire. AMEN. Something new. Admiration from afar. Look but don't touch. Talk but don't say. Smile but don't admit. Fantasise but don't act. Use a code name to protect the innocent. Let's say this is a new beginning. Out with the pointless old and in with the new and sophisticated.

Some feel good poetry very much directed to the girls of this materialistic and superficial today.

Wale - Ambitious Girl

Kinda Sweet

yesterday i had some randoms speak to me on the train. drunkos as usual. get on at sunshine get off at footscray, hope they dont choose the sits next to me out of all the other seats on the train. but no. however, this random meeting was pleasant. the guy was sudanese and he had with him a male aussie. they were drinking jim beam out of a bottle and kindly offered me some. ah. no thanks *smile* if ive ever learnt something about speaking to random drunks and junkies is that to never be aggressive, unless of course they are aggressive to you. the friendly approach but not the 'please talk to me because i need friends' approach is well suited in most occasions. the sudanese guy asked me where i was going, he was surprised when i said i worked at a bar because he thought i was underaged.

how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

21 kind sir. he asked me to read something on the MX. it said 'whoop ass' which i read and they both laughed and i did too. i felt stupid reading that and it was funny. he asked me what 'whoop' meant and i said i didnt know. he said:

i think it means (insert word in sudanese). do u know (insert the same word in sudanese)?

no haha i did not! i dont speak that language. they got off a footnam after wishing that i had a good night. and to stay out of trouble. thank you kind sir. today was a fucking mammoth shift. and by mammoth i mean 10.5hrs after doing a 11.5hrs shift last night. two record breaking busy days in a row and the threat of being understaffed yet again. i shotgun glasses so i wudnt have to deal with people's shit. so not in the mode and i was having fun shutting down people. maybe i even picked the fights. i hate it when REGULARS side order when its absolutely chockas, they think they can get special treatment. i hate it when REGULARS stand near or behind the bar to seem like sikunts 'oh i know the bartenders and i've worked here as an emergency cleaning glasses and i didnt really do a super job at it either'. i had a small argument with a lady who had a booking. i placed her in a location she didnt want to be placed and explained why. there was another booking for the wine library so i could not give the room to her. she said she didnt like the way the furniture was arranged, that it was shocking, and she couldnt have a proper conversation with her friends. she said the space wasnt big enough and she booked for 40 people. it was her 30th today and she wanted it to be special. she hoped i could accommodate her needs. i told i was simply following the instructions in the diary and i would do the best i could to accomodate her needs. i wish i told her to FUCK OFF. She had a sook to james, and james called me to fix some shit up for her, and james called her back, and james called me back. it was a ping pong game against 3 people. james eventually told me to give her room. she came up to me and told me she was taking over and if it was alright. i said: Just do it and get off my back. i took my first break at 1am and put my feet up on the cardboard boxes at jwow. to take out my frustration i made holes into the cardboard with a power drill. i took an hour break and was pleased to find jwow near empty =] must be the shit music. i realised i desparetly needed another job. fast. quick. needed to start climbing this ladder before i get stuck in this comfortable hiddy hole.