Stay The Same, Please

Wont things be easier if we didnt have feelings to consider. Confronting bosses, ending relationships, feeling lonely.. without feelings then decisions will be easier to make. But God gave us feelings to help us judge what is ethical and moral. Which means feelings should make decisions easier to make??



This taste in my mouth reminds me of something in particular. I recall the process that would most likely occur after. I recall what it feels like. The initiation or the slight awkwardness of 'sooo.. now what?' How good it felt... Initiation was exciting. I close my eyes now and remember. It was a totally new experience, raw, real, and nothing else at the time meant anything. Moments like these make you accidentally blurt out 'I think I love you' (and then regret it immediately after). How I miss it now. I miss this taste. I drive home with a heavy heart and heavy lips purposely pressed together. I bite my lips so I can feel something familiar. These surrounds are familiar but I look away because I don't want to remember too much or it will make me sad. Too late. It really is such a pity.

It really is quite rare to experience those genuine 'nothing else matters' moments' especially for me. I'm addicted to them because it makes me feel special/good. Elated. With all the shit that I have to worry about in my life its nice to meet someone who can take you away for a moment of escape. Smile. It's magical.

Elation.


Bonobo - Stay The Same

Music Makes Me Happy

Bacolod Memories Revisited

First foot spa. I was giggling like hell.

Monkey see monkey do

Me and Jason

The Secret Society of Tan Alcoholics a.k.a. Black Sheep

The grown ups need not know

P.S. Although Tito Nene is a full grown man, he is still cool.

Flower girls at Nannah's wedding. 

I find it cute that they cant speak English and I cant understand them.

It's like going out with a deaf person.

Touching down in Bacolod wooo 

FINALLY I'm home!

Cousins!!

Found whilst cleaning up my grandparents home

Paul's generous 8,000 pesos donation to the kids at the Holy Infant Nursery. 

Sheila and I went on a rapid spending spree grabbing everything we could! 

HEHE

Front of House

I WANT ONE

R.I.P. Tito Nene's clever bird.

Hand made local decors. I want all of these

View from the bahay kubu

Conned mum into buying me three automatic watches

Getting our hurr did

Boo

I'm so high

Common Sites of Bacolod, Philippines.

Now That I'm Sober You Ain't That Fine

Success is when your no means no and your yes means yes

and you can stick to your word

I want everyone to get fucked up with me.

I've got 32 minutes before the battery of my laptop runs out. That means I have 32 minutes to blog. Today at work I was busy. Our 20 max box delivery turned out to be 35 boxes + the 12 box unexpected delivery from Spencer Street. I work continuously without a lunch break so I can leave just that little bit early. It's good leaving before 4pm because I dont hit peak hour trains. Although you do hit school kids on the train home.

A thought occurred to me at work today as I was shifting shoe boxes around. Something I said to vman before we became boyfriend and girlfriend but after we had already gotten together. I told him becoming boyfriend/girlfriend is pointless because the next stage of that process is to either get over each other and break up or get married. Both seemed like dead end options to me so why start something that was gonna hit a brick wall anyway? Vman was annoyed with my explanation. He gave the example of his brother and his girlfriend, they have been together for ~15 years and have three children together, and a house.

The idea of falling in love and staying in love with the same person for the rest of your life is difficult for me to grasp. Feelings and circumstances are always changing, how can you feel the same way about that person forever? You might feel that you can for a few moments, your heart will really believe that this is the truth. Give it a few years and see if your feelings are still strong. Its amazing how some couples can stay together happily ever after, its rare to see old couples still in love.

I'm not saying that unconditional love does not exist because I'm a lover not a hater. I am saying that unconditional love and staying happily in love with one person for years is an occurrence that happens maybe once in 100 couples. Or more.

Being the hopeful, ambitious and idealistic me, I am surprised at my pessimistic stance towards committed long term relationships. I suspect it takes root from past failed relationships where I was the one who was fully in love and dedicated and then devastatingly shut down. I hated it. I hate rejection after offering myself the way I did. I hated giving my time, effort.. everything they wanted because I loved them so much and have it come to an end because they wanted it to. Ugh. The way I see it, if I give them emotional significance, I am giving them a chance to stab me in the back and trusting them not to. Oh how I felt like shit when they betrayed me. Now in relationships I am the one who cares the least. I choose people who want me more than I want them, or if vice versa at least I won't show it. Never again because I'm scared of giving my all and getting fucked up again.

Close My Eyes So I Can Do It Again

I was browsing through some Dubai holiday pics to change my desktop picture. I feel pang of saddness. I miss my times in Dubai and my cousin Sheila.

Reminiscing is against the Fight Club philosophy of life.

Dubai, The City of Gold

Day 16 - 17

Day 16 - A New Memory

I worked on a jwow promtional poster til 7am. Snoop Dogg's Gin & Juice in spoken word was probably the sole motivation for this thing. (see video below). I find humour in things totally out of context. Parody. Dave Chapelle isn't funny. Jwow is closed for 1.5weeks so no work or income til then!

Jwow Reno's

Hanging out with my Sydney-sider friends before they left for home. I've heard Sydney is very commercial, everyone wants to be seen, what you see is what you get, there are no hidden alleyways or secret locations. I wanted to show these guys hidden but very cool places. I took them to the rooftop.

Warm Winter's evening on the Rooftop

Janet took out her DSLR and took photos of this and that. I took them to Red Silks and then it was time for them to leave. The weather today was so pleasant, it was singlet weather for about 1 hour. Pretty good for winter in Melbourne. My sydney friends mentioned the crazy weather changes in melbourne. That's Melbourne for you! They brought up things that I did on Saturday...

Me: 'Vman! Vman! Have my beer bong!!' *hides behind vman*

Helen: 'Vince, you're jen's boyfriend. This is your chance to prove you're a man'

I didnt remember this until Janet mentioned it. She did little hand movements as well, something I am known to do. Sad face.

Me to vince: 'Did you do my beer bong?'

Janet/Richie/Vince: 'YES! DON'T YOU REMEMBER?'

I certainly did not. I did vomit that night because I was doing about 5 Jam Donut shots in a row and then a gin shot with a squeeze of lemon. Baileys + Gin + Lemon = Vomit. Dave was the only one who saw. I did it behind the tent. But it eventually got out.

Josh: Jen looks sad

Phuong: Jen! What's wrong?

Me: I just vomited mannnn

I went back to Helen's house to pick up my car. Then off to rendezvous. Mmmm

___________________

Day 17 - Brush with Crime

Staring crime right in the eye and walking into the Mafia shopfront Franco Cotso. We also pretended we were interested in purchasing the ridiculously expensive and over-the-top ethnic

(?) furniture. $10,000 for a dining cupboard decorated with white tassels? If it wasn't fancy enough. By the way, I love lacquered furniture.

Visited 2 new opshops. Bought a bright green Esprit summer dress, so pretty and fits perfectly. I like buying clothes without trying them on, take them home and they fit perfectly!! :) It's a pretty 'obnoxious' colour, but not as 'obnoxious' as your queer Pac Man sweaters.

Esprit Spring Dress

I also bought a ceramic plate, 'Made in England'. It's white, octagonal shape, green edging with thin floral patterns inside the edges. I soaked it in Milton so its absolutely clean now. I can put my jewellery on it or present a cupcake for some on their birthday. I collected so much glass ware and wooden dishes from op shop.. this should be added to my list of collections.

I head over to Helen's for a Jwow Dinner Party. Helen put together my favourite viet dish, rice vermicelli with spring rolls and beef.

Rice Vermicelli with spring rolls and beef

We had left over ube cake for dessert.. still the best ube cake i've ever ever had. Me, Dave and Yao were smoking two rounds of sheesha outdoors as we basked in the warmth of the outdoor heater. It was so relaxing and not long after all I wanted to do was curl up on the wooden table and sleep. Dave made me peppermint and lemon tea which complimented the taste of the sheesha. So did the chocolate flake... Dave suggested a Maccas run as an excuse to take the Beamer for a joy ride, damn those complicated German things. Pull the door handle twice to unlock the door, place the remote not key into the ignition, hold break while press the start up button to start engine. Complicated.

Day 9: A New Drive & Musical Artist

I drove over to my parents house to grab a whole bunch of party supplies so I wouldn't need to buy them. I know my mum bulk buys, and stores. I saved me a whole bunch of $$

Stealing.

Two shoe racks = My sneaker collection.

I take photos of my room because I miss it

My bonsai a.k.a. pets. I think one is dying.

Damn they're so hard to look after!

My less than average meal at Ha Long, St. Albans

Note: Do not order BBQ Pork and Rice.

Learnt how to drive to Costco today. Driving back from st. albans I also challenged myself to take the traffic way. This was an attempt to scare myself shitless til I become desensitized to the fear of dying horribly in a car crash.

I bought those big red American house party cups. Man are they expensive. Its like 1.5 hours of Jwow work for 240 plastic cups. I gotta higher my standards.

American Apparel Jacket

Grab Jeans

Creative Recreations

Sough dough bread:

Dave's Birthday Present to me put to good use

It's been a long time since i've listened to soft cock music. At the moment, I'm listening to Jon B. Jon B was triggered when I was listening to 'Real Women' by Jon B and DJ Quik. I really like Jon B's voice and after listening to it on repeat, decided it was worthy to look into more. I have heard the song 'Don't Talk' and that is an awesome song, but most of his other stuff is slow, mellow, lovey dovey.. something you would listening to staring at the stars to (cringe). This music is triggering all sorts of emotions not known to the recent me.

I'm in my bed at the moment, singlet and trackies, new pretty bedsheets and fluffy covers. I'm listening to this soft cock music. I feel at ease. I am in the most comfortable place in the world. I wish I could roll back my ceiling like a convertible car roof top so I can see the night sky.

2pac feat. Jon B - R U Still Down? Prophet Jones - All I Do Jon B - Don't Talk

Jon B - Cool Relax Robin Thicke - Against The World

Can't Help It

I like how the bed is a double, but we only take up a single. I like how there's two pillows, but we pile them on top of each other and share it. I'm just close enough to see you hiding a smile.

Lady's Love Cool James

I'm having an LL moment. I'm impressed at his smooth ways, did that really work on girls of the 90's?? And did he play a fundamental part in shaping real hip hop or was it just all sleasey rhymes, camera winking and lip licking? Whatever, just listen.

Can't Explain It

Candy

I've Changed

Best Dress

Doin' It

Loungin'

Ain't Nobody

Hush

Home Today

Watermelon, Ggats cheese and home grown tomatoes for breakfast

Breakfast

Delivery man came to my house Cleaned the bathroom and toilet Organised what was under the kitchen sink

Wrapped a 'welcome to the neighborhood' package

'Welcome'

Sorted through Ebay packaging and items for sale Photographed Ebay items for sale Photographed the 6 massive cockatoo's in my apple tree whom i thought were small white cats due to the size of them. Cooked chicken, vegetables and hokkien noodles stirfry for ate and vman

Vegetable and chicken stir fry

Vman ate everything Facebook chat Reminisced Ahhh Tomorrow I have a job interview. I have to leave class 1 hour early to get there in time. Its not really a job I want but at least it will be some money in the bank. I've got my outfit all planned for tomorrow. I'm going to where heels. I'm excited. I'm gonna look smart casual instead of formal - seeing what kind of store it is and that it will be a group interview. We're gonna play socialising games and wear name tags. It will go on for 1.5 hours. Joy.

Simplicity is best - when in doubt wear black

This Saturday is Phuong's 21st. Its gonna be fucking crazy. she made it a rule that when she walked past, you had to have a drink in your hand. I don't know how fucked up ill be. seeing as im her best friend, theres that expectation that id be as fucked as she is. hrm. i cant wait for my weekend. i just hope it goes the way i want it too. if you know what i mean.