Honestly

Giving into temptation is not a selfish act. Im giving my full attention to you at that particular time. There is nothing selfish or wrong about that. I'm dedicated. It's just me and you and right now nothing else matters. I think it's romantic. I have good intentions because I'm not trying to destroy anyone. What they dont know wont kill em so keep your fucking big mouth shut. I dont think or feel bad about anything else. There are no strings attached to me. I am free. We all are.

I'm Better Than

Oh the devil in me, I am so close. I remember this feeling. Will I fuck up all my hard work tonight? I'm in a dilemma because I've really restrained myself but I've allowed myself to slip just a little. Only because I'm bored though and when I'm bored .. well you know.. I wish I had a boyfriend. John Legend - Show Don't Have To Know Stealing moments just to be with you But she don't have to know When I meet cha I got my shades on to cover up my eyes I'm hoping that nobody sees me passing by Through my disguise I know you got a lil secret of your own Sneaking out with me while your mans at home You know your wrong But its so strong still carrying on

Damn it's so stressful doing the dirt we do And I know one day I'm going to pay But there's no reason that we should tell her today But he don't have to know I don't want to hurt my baby And I know its supposed to be the last time for you and I But let's not end this way Wait another day.

Knowing that Absence Stimulates Torment

At work staring blankly at the shoe boxes like a dead rag doll. I leave my physical state at the Myer footwear reserves where my mind and spirit is elsewhere reliving moments of the recent past. Every time I blink I can see flashes of it. I dont know how long I've been standing here. Work mates catch me out. Thoughts only interrupted when I hear footsteps. What are you doing?? A smile surfaces, I shake my head to rid the thoughts and continue to work. This reaction happens naturally, automatically, regularly, I do not induce it or prevent it from occurring. I'm the indulgent type. I'm happy to dream all day.

Alright ... Fine ... I miss you.

Lorelei

Haven't had to wait for it like this in a while. It's been more than one week that I've wanted it so bad. Today I put my hand up and said something about it. Ugh the chase, the hunt, I hate it and I love it. The fact that it is wrong and the possibility that I might not even get it keeps me wanting it more. Also adding to the suspense is that I won't know the time comes til last minute and even then it may change. And when I get it, I don't know if I'll ever get it again.

Treating every time like it is the last.

I don't care if its right or wrong. I don't care what's best for me anymore. I just want what I want. The smallest indication of what I want is near, fuel adds to my fire. I'm scheming. I'll do whatever I can. One track mind. And if shit hits the fan I'll deal with it later.

At least my heart can rest.

You Dont Know So Shut The Fuck Up

After the shock, the sadness, the anger, the heartbreak and feeling scared and betrayed.. After the uncontrollable hand temors and unnaturally fast heart beats and the sudden drop of body temperature.. After the foul taste at the back of your mouth and out break of sweat.. After the flow of tears and silent screams into your pillow that release an emotional climax comes the numbness.

Congratulations. You have now hit rock bottom.

This is my favourite part, the part when I become invincible. Do your worst, nothing can hurt me now.

(Too bad being invincible doesnt last more than 10 minutes). Born alone, die alone.

Die. Die. Die.

And that will be all.

____________

Tonight is one of body polluting. Sheesha and my favourite red wine, listening to my fav Dr. Dre beat about 'when im sober you aint that fine', stuffing myself with dim sims and party pies. You know you have a problem when you're body polluting alone, at 11pm well into the night, and when you've got work tmrw morning.

If this world is a dog eat dog world then I can play that game back. Fuck you all who Fuck me over. It's my happiness over everything.

GABOS.

I'm lightheaded already.

*Lighthearted