I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller...
I can't help but feel some sort of emptiness inside. For two reasons, one more serious than the other.
1) High Expectations
Providing I have passed my subjects, I have finished uni. I've been asking myself what am i going to do with my life? There is no hiding behind the 'I am a full time university student' anymore. I need to keep myself stimulated, inspired and motivated. I need to become something, rich, successful, happy, healthy, feelings of completeness.. I want to be big and the time is now. The pressure's on and everyday i let go, sleeping past 2pm i am wasting my life.
My plan after uni was to become rich. I wanted to work and work and work and make lots of money. I want to become a flight attendant and travel the world and get paid for it. I am scared of the time that passes me be. I feel guilty about it. I also want to design, draw, paint, create but I dont know what, where and how and where to start! My ideas are abundant, but i have no immense passion or drive for just one. Help. How can I kick myself into starting somewhere? I need to find some direction! I feel this sense of urgency. The time is now!
I am currently listening to some speeches on ted.com I listen to topics on inspiration, particularly inspiration from nature - there, nature as a source of inspiration? That means inspiration will always be plentiful right??? I am hopeful that I will have a positive attitude. I recognise now the difficulty of having a goal and sticking to it. Once so determine to commence, now I feel lost and needing direction. When will i realise that no one will spoon feed me, and that the future is entirely in my hands. When will i learn i have to fight for what I want, fighting that will involve putting my emotions and pride on the line.
I need to surround myself with intelligent and motivated people. Not the many that work the jobs they hate and live pay cheque to pay cheque. Or those that are 25 will no qualified skill or desire for a career. I want to start a business and control everything about it. This thirst grew from ebay selling, buying low and selling high + all the responsibilities/techniques that come with it done from trial and error and research.
I am happy that I am younger than most people i hang with. I feel the years that I am younger than serve as an advantage. I have this many years to get ahead of them. I want to leave what is familiar to me and spread my wings. I want to see and learn what my friends/family wont ever see!!
2) In Loke
I guess I'm disappointed and (I hate to admit because I am a proud person) very slightly disheartened. You know that feeling when you miss something/one? You dream of how the situation will be when you see them/get it next, but then I find out they are/it was probably never coming back. They've/it left you hanging. (And that you obviously never meant that much to them despite what they meant to you. All that time happily imagining, reminiscing, trying to relive the feelings you felt, walking past the places you've been) - I feel was wasted time and emotional effort.
But we knew that was going to happen from the start. It's happen to me before and left me in psychological ruin. I need a good dose of 'harden the fuck up'.
So with this apparent feeling of abandonment, I feel this is a dog-eat-dog world.
GABOS
Game Ain't Based On Sympathy
or emotional attachments in this case. 50cent said Get rich or die hard trying. Money over everything. Or perhaps MY happiness over everything. I think I like that. I need to do what I need to do to climb the ladder.
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