Mum's a fucking bitch

Mum's a fucking bitch and i dont care what you think i should or shouldn't say about my mum. She's old, about 63 (I've forgotten how old) and she's going to die soon. It's only natural. Everytime i get into a fight about her i have all these terrible things to say to her face, but i hold it out of respect and the fear or regret i will feel once ive said those things after she dies. But time after time, and forgiveness after forgiveness, and tolerance after tolerance i cant stand her fucking abuses. I hate her more and more and put it to my mind, that i will not regret the things i say/think abuot her once she dies. ill deal with it. i often think whether id cry at her funeral. thats how much hate i have sometimes. my angel on my right shoulder tells me to calm down, that its not that bad when im not angry. but the negative things she says has effected me more than i know and ive only come to realise it. she has nurtured me to believe i cannot do/be what i want, i can never get what i want out of life and this mentality will be hard to break. i think it will stay with me for the rest of my life. So there. i fucking hate my mum for she is a fucking bitch. and she knows it. she won't ever admit her wrongs, she won't ever take blame and she is right and perfect in everyway. Today she accused me that

"We will have another accident because you are always rushing. Every accident I have is YOUR fault. We are always rushing because of YOU."

After hearing this, i refused to eat breakfast. I just ignored this fucked up accusation and told her if i ate breakfsat we'd rush even more. She has hurt (but she wudnt admit it) that i wouldn't even take the fried rice she cooked to eat on the train, and asked why. i said:

'I dont have time to eat breakfast, i dont want to be the cause of another accident"

then she just flipped it. she went mental. she was yelling and i could tell how this car ride would turn out. i told her i was going to walk to the train station, it was cold and unbelievably windy. i hope i get sick, id cough the dark green phlem in her saggy face and hope it landed in her mouth and eyes.

she told me

DO NOT CHALLENGE ME!

just before i slammed the house door so hard the glass almost broke. that come back i was 'wtf' about that comment because i didnt see how i challenged her on anything. iIIII was the one who was gonna walk to the station, SHEE was the one to accuse me of causing her accidents. something unfair to say, considering our recent accident wasn't even mine or her fault. it was the guy behind us failed to stop intime. i don't see me ebing in the car caused that accident. and it was ME who was telling her exactly waht to do since she was too shocked to think about stopping the car to get the man's details. and it was ME who was the one yelling at the guy, while mum just got his details.

she's fucked up in the head. she let me walk to the train station, a good 30minutes against the cold strong wind. its not like her to call me, or to follow me. the only thing that was missing from the walk was rain.

she wudnt care if i walked in cold or got a rapist to drive me. i wish i could punch her just once in the face, i could make it a good one.