Right hand nails are painted black
The left is white
Jekyll and Hyde
To express both my personalities
And perhaps my indecisiveness
Actually, I'm not
This is just me being self-balanced
Good and bad are contained within
It's only natural
It's Ying and Yang
My room is never gonna be completely clean. I live in organised kaos but at least it's organised. I like mess. I like looking at people's rooms or work stations because I learn about the sort of person they are. The girls at work spray their shoes with leather protector or buy a brand new pair once the leather has gone all shit. I'd like to wear my shoes til death and even then I will keep them as memories. My Year 8 chuck taylors are probably the most disgusting pair of shoes you'd ever seen and if tested for bacteria, there would not be a strong enough device.
Bed sheets are white
A few make up stains here and there
It doesnt bother me
Until someone comes over
And sleeps in my bed
Why must I feel embarrassed of my own bed?
Eyesdown
But my chin is still up
You can look at me
I won't notice you
My ear cartliage peircings trip me out. One year on and they still give me pain. Sometimes the pain is so much my eyes water, but I still move my stud around until my brain releases all the morphine it can give me. I move it til I feel numb. I cant sleep comfortably on my left side. No way will I get my right cartilage down. Its the only comfy side I have left and I am a side sleeper.
Jwow's under new and strict management. I dont like it because I dont like changes especially when I been at this place longer than you have and you tell me what to do. I dont like being told off. I don't care if you know more about management/bartending than I do. I know the changes are all for the benefit of Jwow, and because I love jwow so much I will do it. I'm actually sooking. I know these changes should have been in place from the beginning. But still, who are YOU to come into jwow and tell me off for eating chips infront of customers and beckon me over just to tell me off?? I'll find ways to cheat the system.
People stress out when there is change. People with the gemini star sign are more acceptive and adaptable to change. Helen's loving these jwow changes but ill still show some resistance.
Helen: I'm so excited for our holiday! we can sit next to each other on the plane! Or, do you talk a lot??
No, I don't talk a lot. Talkative people annoy me. Especially during travelling. I think its nice that you can share a moment of comfortable silence with someone. None of that fake chit chat. People with little to say are intriguing. Those who say things concisely are intelligent and rich in vocabulary, logic and efficiency. Helen, Yao and I work well as a team because we are Asian and all Asians are efficient (and economic). Stereotypically. I think its true.
Theres this young couple who catch the 723am train regularly. The girl talks SO much and I feel sorry for the dude. Like, and like... like this and like that, do you know what I mean?? No. Shut up.
Lately I've been annoyed at my manager. Not mentioning which of my numerous jobs this relates to.. I get so annoyed and I cant help giving attitude although most of the time I do keep it in.
Manager: Jen
Me: Yes?
Manager: Jennnn
Me: Yeh????
Manager: JEN!
Me: WHAT?!
Manger: (tells me something obvious)
Me: Yeh I know
Manager: JEN!
Me: I HEARD YOU!
Argh! Gimme a break. PLEASE I just wanna do my workkkkk! I could go on with more complaining but not too sure its safe to do so here... Its keep-quiet-and-pretend-to-be-happy time
It comes that time in my life when I get the urge to change the course of nature and pierce/tattoo/mutilate my body for the sake of beauty and satisfaction. Another piercing perhaps, where? Belly ring.. although.. I do have my fat days.. and when I'm wearing a tight top there will be a stud buldge. Also, it's rare when my belly ring will be exposed.. I've always liked lip piercings.. I dont want one that will knock against my $7,000 perfectly aligned teeth but one that goes through the bottom lip and out the top. I've seen it on.. Fucking sexy. I'd get it on my left side to balance with my right nostril ring.
I like the idea of matching tattoos because of how absolutely ridiculous it is. Matching tattoos?? Are you crazy? Si senor. Crazy loco. Matching tattoos are a memory of someone. Good or bad it doesnt matter.. people get tattoos that remind them of something bad sooo whats so bad about a matching tattoo??
I weigh myself at least once a day not because I'm obsessed with my weight but because I find it interesting how I can loose 300g between the time I fall asleep and wake up. About 2 years ago (recovering from my beer belly) was my fat days. I could no longer fit into my $400 Kookai Jeans I bought drunk shopping with Kylie. I ranged from 54-55kgs. Since then I lost weight by being jet lagged, getting forced to eat smaller food portions, working fucking hard, staying up late and fucking up sleeping /eating patterns, my inability to cook and preferring to sleep my hunger off. Before I left for the Philippines in December 2011 I weighed 51 kgs. I came back with about 3 kgs more which was surprising considering how much I ate and drank. I lost those 3 kgs by the 2nd week I came back by, yet again, being jet lag (fucking up sleeping/eating patterns) and working fucking hard. Now I range from 50 to 51.8 kgs.
I dont like exercise. I dont like running, gyming.. I think my work at Tony is phyiscal enough and I work so hard I sweat. My back is muscelier and so are my arms. This week my wrists ache. I'm gonna get hankels so when I punch someone my wrist wont bend in the natural way it does.
'How much do you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?'
Fight club was on tonight. My all time favourite movie that just pumps me up. My sister asked me what it was about.. and I was delighted to answer the question but yet overwhelmed. There was just so much to say!!
I've bought two books recently: UK Underground Gangsters' Wives and Crimes of Passion. The first book tells the stories of the wives of gangsters, about lifestyle, activities, jail sentences and the kind of person she or the husband was. They say a lot of negative things about being the wife of a gangster.. espeically when there are children involved, running to do, court hearings to attend, jail sentences to be had, loss of identity, trust and relationship issues.. but damn its still so intriguing to me. Most these women turn a blind eye to the activities of their husbands because they love them unconditionally and the lifestyle is really a good lifestyle. Most believe they are just 'being a little bit naughty', the activities arent as serious as the law makes them to be. Oh geez, thats exactly what I would think.
I remember the days I fantasized being a drug dealer. Fake identification, I was mocked for choosing such a long and elegant name. 'Stoners wont be fucked calling up a drug dealer with the name Anastasia'. I thought it was a pretty name. We made plans which we thought were clever at the time. Now they are laughable. Being a girl, I would've probably gotten jumped and bashed big time.
The second book I had a difficult time choosing. I chose it over 'Serial Killers' and 'Infamous Murders' but seeing has I had read a lot about those topics, it was good to get something more specialised. Crimes of Passion are past accounts where lovers acted on jealousy, rage.. Love and anger blinded them and steered them to commit these crimes. Interesting.
Again, I recall the times where we had plans to fuck up some guy that fucked me over big time. I'd lure him in a quiet place, get him jumped. Back then it was a serious plan, more serious than the drug deal one. Although I wanted revenge, I didn't want anyone to get hurt or worse, die. My imagination ran wild because I dreamt about it a few times. I dreamt that we had actually killed the dude, chopped up his body and threw it in a clear plastic bag and then into those American tin trash cans. Then in the dream, I felt enormous and unbearable regret and disgust for myself to the point where I felt like vomiting. I thought the only thing to make it better was to escape immediately to Mexico. I was sad that I couldnt say good bye to my friends or family, or to tell my story. I imagine what shit I would put them through. The dream was so real. I woke up and decided to call our wicked plan off. off. off. off.
I read too much of that serial killer and murder shit that it effects me, mostly in my dreams though.
I think dreams are amazing. I believe they reveal your subconscience, emotions and sometimes connect you with people in reality.. or maybe open your mind to possibilities.. you wake up and consider 'what if that acutally happened??' and thats how ur attitudes to life can be changed by ur dreams. When I was living with my parents, my mum told me about a real vivid dream she had about my sister. My sister was yelling at my mum in complete desparation, my sister said HELP ME!!!! She rang my sister the next day to tell her about the dream and make sure she was okay. I scoffed at the idea, it was just a dream! But later on, my sister would admit that that time she was going through a really really tough time. My sister was shocked when mum told her about the dream.
I've heard stories from people I know where loved ones from past times have approached them in their dreams and given them a heads up on what was going to happen next. Spine chilling.
Ive had dreams of my brother stealing all my money and I've woken up so angry I wanted to confront him in reality and fight him. Its amazing how dreams arent simply just a movie, they take you on an emotional journey so strong you feel it when you wake up - it WAKES you up and blurs the line between reality and imagination. What else can do that to you?
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Flirting Body Langauge
Male Flirting Signals:
- hands on belt or belt buckle
- preening / grooming
- stretching (and other actions that make him seem bigger)
- raises one eyebrow
Female Flirting Signals:
- actions that make her appear smaller
- playing with hair
- exposure of neck or inner wrists
General Flirting Signals:
- eye contact
- mirroring
- triangulation
- "accidental" touching
- lick lipping
