Shopping at a discount warehouse on Swanston
Guy: Excuse me, hi five for being beautiful? *smiling, hand already in the air*
Me: *laugh* Hi 5 *friend wants to hi 5 as well*
Guy: Where are you from?
Me: Here. I was born here.
Guy: I thought you had an accent
Me: I'm Australian just like you
Guy: I'm not Australian.
Me: Dont you have an Australian passport?
Guy: No. I'm Chilean, I was brought up in Rio de Janeiro
Me: Oh really?? Okay, nice
*awkward pause when neither the other person knows what to do*
Me: Okay have a nice day!
Guy looking at drinks menu at the bar
Me: Hi!
Guy: .. hi *continues to look at menu*
Me: Hi!
Guy: Hi!
Me: HI!
Guy: HI! Your bubbly. I feel *uses hand gestures*.. I feel.. bubbly now. do u want a cigarette?
Me: no it gives you cancer and harms ur unborn child, don't u care? I'm just trying to protect the innocent.
Guy: I don't think I need to worry about that.*walks away without paying*
Me: Omg, u just embarrassed urself in front of ur friends. How are you going to live this down?
Guy: that's the least of my problems
Me: bcoz harming ur unborn child with cigarettes is?
Guy: I've had several...
Me: what, babies? *looks up and down*
Guy: no I mean..
Me: babies all around the world? Are u setting up franchises?
Guy: I mean cigarettes. If I'm holding you up, just go...
Me: *looks down at awkward handful of dirty glasses and bottles* I guess I can hold these for a bit longer
Guy: I'm the guy people ask for for a cigarette. They see me coming and they come to me. I mean, you don't walk down the street and ask for a bite of someone's sandwich. It's annoying.
Me: is it because ur wearing ur 'Free Cigarettes' t-shirt?
Guy: no, my tshirt say 'No Free Cigarettes, Fuck Off'
Me: well you gonna have to get seven of those tshirts printed up so you can wear it everyday of the week. The next time I see you you better be wearing the tshirts
Guy: will that next time be here?
Me: yep. This is my home, I own this place.
Guy: yeah right..what nationality are you?
Me: Australian. What are you?
Guy: Scottish
Me: don't you have an Australian passport?
Guy: no..
Me: Aren't you an Australian citizen?
Guy: uhhh.. *his group of friends walk by giggling*
Me: you're friends are leaving
Guy: Yeh I know *stretches mouth in awkwardness*
Me: okay bye! Take care of your baby!
Raaghe is smashed.
Me: You cant go! We're not best friends yet!
Bob: We are best friends
Me: No! We need something to represent the bond
Bob: *picks up straw and ties it around my finger, I return the favour*
Me: Why do I get a short straw?
Bob: Because you're short. I get a long straw because Im long. I'm toothpick, you can use me any day.
Me: What are you gonna do with your last days in Melbourne?
Bob: Find a girl to have sex with. I mean, I have a few booty calls but I'm looking for some fresh fruit. I dont want the refrigerated fruit. You know what I mean?
Me: Fresh is healthier
Bob: Exactly.
Great minds think a like.
You know when a noisy room suddenly becomes quiet and you hear someone's totally out of context conversation? Well, Bob said:
That guy needs a penis up his ass
HAHA! Apparently he was talking about Dr. Dre?
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Don't do it if you don't mean it, bitch. I can spot a fake smile when I see one. Jealous because I'm smarter, younger, funnier, better looking and because I was there first. People may mistake ME for the jealous one but I'm not at all. I know that I can get whatever you got whenever I want.
My bed
