I've not work today. I did a 2am maccas run to Ballarat Road with Efren after I had convinced him he was missing the taste of chicken nuggets, frieds and apple pie. He didnt know if until I described them over facebook chat. I stuffed myself and I felt sick, a large big mac meal was not necessary but that FRESH big mac burger was.
I went to sleep about 3 or 4am and woke up at 2pm the next day. Sooo depressing because all day I stayed home being bored and lonely. Aww i wanted to go to the pet store and look at some doggies.
Despite my free time, I'm stressing over a lot of things at the moment. I dont want to elaborate on matters at the moment because I just wanna forget about them.
The weathers been really nice lately. I love warm summer nights where tshirts and short shorts are all you need. It's better to be homeless in hot weather bcoz the maintenance is less. Sometimes I think about my friend Cheese and how funny she is. I'm sad because the jwow family is breaking up and things arent the same anymore. I feel sorry for yao with all the pressure that is put on to him now that he is the sole manager of jwow. I anticipate the repetition of problems he will face in the future. My cousin is finding it difficult to find a job, and is getting restless because she wants to work already. Her medical condition seems to be worsening. I'm worried about my future, my present - that it is heading no where. I'm worried that I dont have enough money to support myself since my hours are cut. I'm worried about my romantic situation/s because I dont know what's good for me anymore. I dont know what I want from people and I worry about what impression im giving them. i want it to be the right impression. I'm worried about my dad, who is sick and vomiting with a migraine. He is growing old and old and when I visit him he talks more to vman than he does to me. Im worried he will die soon and I will never feel close to him. It makes me sad. I dont know what's going on with him and if he's happy. I want to know he is happy. I think about myself, and the reason why i havent got anywhere in life is beacuse im so fucking self indulgent. People my age are owning and running businesses, travelling, waking up early and ticking off a to do list. Where am I heading? How am I gonna make it big in this world? I dont know. I'm content occupying my time with little things such as shopping, seeing which nose stud looks better on me, saving pictures of tattoos but never making any for myself, putting my make up on.. I dont even know how to cook. My insides must be all rotten with all the shit I give it because I dont know how to cook. I've wasted so much time and right now im wasting time. But where do i start ?
I think sometimes that I am needy and that people find me annoying. I wish I wasnt. I also think I dont appreciate what I have, I always want more. But what I need is right in front of me.
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