NYE MFKR

Me, I, The Master Manipulator.

Here's me trying to get Joe to come to a house party. Me: im in cairnlea. if u know where that is Joe: where abouts and what sort of people? Me: if u down to come to the west

and get stabbed gangsters bring ur shank we do NYE shank fights Joe: as long as its a one handed one where you tie the left hands toeghter otherwise there boring. Me: we tie the shanks to our feet, hands bound like a cock fight

Despite my disliking to it, it doesnt take me long to pack. Ive thrown everything into my bag when I'd usually fold everything and place them strategically. Towels to line the bottom and sides, fragiles in the centre wrapped in jumpers.. I did however, zip lock my toiletries and liquids incase any fucker wants to burst and ruin all the clothes I have. Ive taken ugly undies, socks and clothes that I could bare to part with in case of a luggage lack of space emergencies. I've roughly got everything I need. I'd like to have more songs on my laptop but transfering songs from one computer to the other and then onto my ipod is such a bitch. I'll regret it later you watch.

I did sheesha last night with my favourite cousins, first time in a long while that we hung out as a family. I miss it. Funny times. We are only funny if we have each other. They truly are my favourite cousins. Helen and I forced dave to come do a kebab run, even if he didnt want a kebab. He said he would meet us there in his car. Wink. Helen said it was cool beacuse I was riding with him. Doaaahh! he says. He says he's got plans, friends to meet, times to stick to, somewhere to be. Okay Dave, I understand, but first we have to do a kebab run, now follow Helen's car. No, I'm going to the beach now, I'm taking you with me. No Dave, don't let us down, do it for the cousinship. Doaaahh!

So we had a kebab. We were there only 12 hours before at 2am, except the line was longer and the kebabs werent as good.

Tonight, being NYE, its unorganised. Theres many things going on at different places but I need to consider how the fuck I'm getting to the airport tmrw and also consider at what point I wanna get fucked up. I wanna go all out, I wish I had someone to tap me on the shoulder and say:

'Miss Jennifer. You're limousine is here to take you to the airport. It's time to catch your flight'

Why thank you Albert.

Mum sent me a msg today. I swear she only contacts me when she wants to piss me off.

'Don't wear your nose ring and your four piercing in one ear. It's revolting. People will call you names. Btw, do you want a lift to the airport?'

You look disgusting, oh and would you like me to take you to the airport tmrw? Fuck that, I'd rather crawl. I never really thought about how much we'd fight overseas. I just thought it would be awkward and all Id have to do is ignore her just like I've done for the past year. But this msg is a taste of the bitterness to come. We are going to fight like no tomorrow. I am going to get so angry I will cry and want to punch on with her. She will say horrible things in front of my estranged foreign family who will watch us argue like a tennis match. The fight will escalate from my nose piercing to other things... I will most likely swear and bring out the big guns saying shit like:

No one loves you. None of your children, not even papa.

We all hate you.

I hate you.

I hate your guts and wish I didn't have to deal with you as much as I did, despite how little I do.

You make me so angry I swear I could bash you.

You're a heartless bitch.

You're everything I hope NOT to be when I grow old and fat and ugly.

But thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

Ohhhhh the things I'd love to say. And look like the bad guy in the process. which is everything that I DONT want. Mum has this fucked up way of turning herself into the good guy and ME the INNOCENT guy into the bad guy. Oh what a bad daughter, listen to the things she's saying to her mum. Poor mum, look shes crying.

Oh the things I had to do for her when she was a baby

I was a good mum, I am a good mum

These kids are so ungrateful

I suffered so much...

Well I'm glad she's crying. I'm glad I have that effect on her. I can die with a smile on my face. And damn her if she gives my eulogy. She doesn't know anything about me.

So much anger. I can type and type with this anger as my fuel. Sometimes I think about the bad things I say or imagine doing to her. I think, if she were to die tmrw, would I regret it?? Most times yes, because you have different feelings when you are angry and you take them back when you are sober. but I can honestly say, I really dont know if I'll regret it. I dont regret telling the truth. And frankly, if you don't see that mum's the bad guy, and you see ME as the bad guy then fuck you. I dont need anyone on my side because its me against the world.

I havent replied to that msg to signal rejection but perhaps that isnt a strong enough signal. Perhaps I should reply to give her a taste of the weeks to come.

'Do you think I care????'

I'm gonna fight back and embarass you infront of your family just as you do me. And my english is better than yours.

Winning.

Not an ideal start to the year