Unstable

The previous post was a drunken blog. I have negative energy bottled up inside me that I am releasing slowly but surely.

Angry.

Annoyed.

Pissed off

and

Frustrated

Because I still want it but I wont admit itttttttt too much. If I do I'll start accepting it as a possibility. It's not.

It's not.

_________________

I woke up yesterday morning without a hang over thankfully. But i didn't feel 100%. My body is already weak from lack of sleep and organisation in my life, not to mention the rotation of three jobs on a 7 day a week basis. I woke up next to Helen, she told me to wake up at 11:00am and told me I had work. I groaned and told her I had work at 1pm. I wanted to snooze. her bed is a cloud. I dont think I sleep so well at any other persons house. I need to ask her where she gets her pillows from.

I'm beginning to think I have a higher tolerance to alcohol than Helen bc she woke up looking like crap. I returned to her room to find an empty bed, I called for her from the bedroom door because I had no pants on and there were older men present. I didnt hear an answer but I did hear vomiting from the other bathroom. That must be Helen.

Helen's way of cleaning out her wardrobe is by throwing everything onto the floor so there isn't a bit of carpet visible. There is no choice but to step on her clothes. Sometimes you step on hard sharp objects. She was going through the piles of clothes looking for a skirt for me to wear to work. I was looking down at Helen on the floor, she was half heartedly going through piles of clothes with the hang over and minimum energy that she had. After she went through most of the pile, I felt sorry for her and told her don't worry about it, the skirt isn't there. She lied on top on the clothes, rolled on her side, and told me it had to be, that it wasn't in the wash because she hadnt worn it for a week.

Aw.

Work on Saturday after jwow and alcohol Friday is a struggle. Hello struggletown, arent you a familiar sight. I power through it like the gun that i am. If I let myself indulge in the idea that Saturday work is optional, ill never get through it. Work is fucking work and I don't have a choice. Groan.