George.

I fell on the stairs at Flinders Street during peak hour today. I feel hard on my knee because my stupid sneakers are too big. I have a massive bruise. However, I was at uni library today and some guy stopped me to ask where I got my shoes from. Compliment there. He reckons he got his for $20. I got mine for $120. I reckon he's bullshitting. Papa made me baon this morning. At first I thought it was mum, but little things about the sandwich made me think twice. The bread was massive, about 2-3cm in thickness - mum would know better than to use thickass bread for a sandwich. There was spam - uncooked spam - it didn't taste right because it wasn't cooked. Mum knows this. And there was a thick spread of butter to spice things up a bit - mum is usually in too much of a rush to put butter. Therefore I think my dad made me this sandwich. I think he loves me.

Baon

He also asked me twice seriously:

'When are you coming back?"

which i was surprised. I said i didnt know. I remembered papa was getting us ready for primary school. usually it was mums job but she wasnt home. mum usually ties up my hair. I knew how to do it, i knew my dad had no clue but i asked him to tie up my hair while i ate at the kitchen table. He was baffled and confused. But he did his best and it worked. He looked at it with 'is that right?' I said yes. He kept looking at it because the question reoccured to him. haha. He slept with the door open last night, unusual. I saw the yellow light from his bedroom door from my opened bedroom. Our lights were touching. I couldnt sleep last night. I kept thinking about the past. My heart was breaking. But I didn't want to be sad. I wondered what I did wrong. I feel degraded but it must not be my fault. I have a habit of reading into things too much. I know I am, but its my form of closure. I'd rather suffer now so I won't be disappointed when the truth comes out. or if the truth is positive, then i will be pleasantly surprised. I hate fence sitting, its either black or white, yes or no, now or never!

'So rather than open my heart, I'm gonna lock it with a key so that only the special ones, can ever get to me'

George - Special Ones