Bitches

Lately I've been self-conscious about my body and how it looks in clothes. I don't have any 'real' issues, just mental ones. I am ready to go out to Watergardens with my mum. This is what I plan to wear:

1. White 'Fairy' Dress

2. Black Stella McCartney Bag

At first i thought this outfit was too showy, so i tried wearing a over-shirt or cardi but it was simply too hot. After the angel on my right shoulder convinces me that this outfit is neither slutty or attention seeking I go down stairs. Mum is there looking me up and down, i can tell she is going to say something negative. She asks me what shorts I'm wearing underneath this dress, I tell her 'I'm not wearing shorts, I'm not even wearing undies'.

She tells me and everyone else in this neighbourhood that people can see my undies, and that they are red in colour. They are so not. She's a fucking bitch, bringing me down after I have convinced myself that my outfit is okay. I told her she was wrong. She's saying these things on purpose to hurt me. She said that they were purple. I called her a liar. She got angry and asked me why I called her that. I told her she obviously had no idea what she was on about, that she was lying, was obviously guessing, as she was wrong on two occassions. Then she asked me what colour my undies where.

She pissed me off. I went upstairs after deciding I wasn't going to put up with her insults and put downs that had negative and long term effects on my mental state of mind. She comes up to my door and bangs on it, saying that she is leaving and that I should go with her. I don't answer her, she continues to knock for 2 minutes until my brother tells her to give up.

FUCK OFF BITCH, I hate you once more.

I had to admit defeat but I am upset. I'm also alone and don't know how to deal with this. I'm crying. I feel pathetic because I can't help myself.

See what she does to me?? She doesn't even know, won't acknowledge it yet alone rectify the problem.