Purgatory

The state of purgatory is the most stressful. Should i accept one extreme or the other? you cant exist in the middle, that involves much confusion and mental strain. My purgatory is stuck between a life dependent on networking and friends or a life of utter independence.

i feel i am suited to a life solely dependent on myself. even though ive decided it's a lonely life. i guess my distress will be overcome when i TRUELY accept what it means to be living independently: alone. every success and failure is entirely up to you.

The Rialto

I went to a house party today, i just got back. they hired a stripper for the birthday boy. i didnt find the show at all entertaining, it seemed fake. the birthday boy just felt awkward and the stripper looked like she didn't know what to do next. it felt like it went on for ages. one of the dads went around and asked people to pitch in $10 to pay her. somewhat degrading. paying a girl perform sexual acts with 10$ and $5 notes.

I watched a movie last night. It was called 'Monster' (2003) and i found it very disturbing. it affected my dreams and thoughts hours after and made me feel sick in the throat. it was about this homeless, penniless prostitute who one day meets a shy lesbian girl. they fall inlove and the prostitute persuades her to run away with her, promising the lesbian a life of endless parties and quick money so they do. the prostitute ends up killing a guy because he tried to rape her so she decides to 'quit hooking'. they reach hard times and have no money to buy food. the lesbian guy starts to realise this is not the life she thought it would be. the prostitute feels like she needs to provide for her so she starts killing guys, stealing their cars and money. soon this gets out of hand and the cops catches her. her lover is the one who gives evidence against her in court.

sad story because you begin to learn how much shit the prostitute goes through even though people think she is worthless. her lifestyle and physical appearance is just so unhealthy it made me sick. and the sad ending just added to it.

Vman went to work today, so I had nothing to do. work called me in for a 3hour shift, might as well get 60$ instead of lazying about at home. its been beautiful weather lately, hot blue sky days and pleasantly warm breezy nights. perfect for a night in the city with a mini dress and heels with no coat to have to carry around with you. that always annoying.

hopefully i get to go somewhere nice next friday. fingers crossed.